I don't like to do "countdowns" because they make me sort of nervous, even if I'm counting down to something I'm really looking forward to! But I can't help but notice that July 26th is literally just around the corner...
I'm trying to take advantage of this short time before I leave to see people and places that I will miss over the next two years. This past week I had the chance to go home for a little bit. The last time I had seen my family was this past Christmas, and the last time I had been on the Cape was about a year and a half ago. It felt like I had been away a lot longer, though.
Alicia is 15 now...the same age I was when she was born! Amelia is almost 5. When I come back next summer one will be driving and worrying about college, and the other one will be learning how to read and continuing to make up songs about any random word that you throw at her.
While I was home I was also able to speak at my parents' fellowship. They were incredibly gracious to let me come and share about what Father is doing in Cambodia and what He's doing in my life. This whole process of raising support is very humbling because I've found that it's almost as difficult to receive as it is to ask.
Who among us is worthy enough to receive large sums of money from hardworking, regular folks? As I've been watching Father provide over such a short period of time, I've been struck several times by an overwhelming sense of "unworthiness" to be on the receiving end. The only thing that has given me peace about accepting the generosity of others is knowing that these gifts are really not for me, they are for the Lord, and He is worthy to receive everything we are willing to give Him. It also encourages me to know that those who give and lift me up will be blessed to be part of His work. Not in a virtual sense, but in a real, physical sense.
I was recently introduced to a quote that I think will really stick with me during my time in Cambodia. A woman who was reflecting on her experience raising support said, "I am carried on the shoulders of those who cannot see the landscape I describe. I owe them far more than my weight." I think this is a beautiful picture of the relationship between those who are going and those who are sending. As the one standing on the shoulders of many faithful saints, it is my responsibility to paint a picture of the landscape that I will have the privilege of viewing every day so that those who are helping to carry me won't feel like they are just staring at a wall. What a great reminder to me not to be "dead weight"!
Currently, Father has brought me to almost 80% of what I will need for the 1st year (that June 15th goal that I mentioned in my last post was met right on the dot)! There is no doubt in my mind that I am being led "sovereignly". Being home this past week has made me start to feel a little nostalgic and perhaps there's that small part of me that would like to stay. Things always seem sweeter to you right before you leave. But I think that's the way it should be if you're in the Father's will. He'll bless you with sweet memories before He calls you to a new place...
